have your cake and eat EVERYTHING ELSE too

Good Evening <-- can you say that without it being creepy?

• college text books
• cell phones
• tv remotes
• 12 cupcakes (at 1 time)
• $500.00 (at 1 time) yes we DEFINITELY got that back
• a freshly baked loaf of banana bread, that was carried upstairs onto my bed
• a bag of frozen corn
• every door knob in my house. twice. 
• a brand new container of baby formula
• a christmas present = COACH ballerina flats for GM (sorry)
• WHOLE bars of soap
• the left over chicken (and bones) from a rotisserie chicken yes he is still alive.
• a kitchen sponge
• diapers
• one year, every single branch (minus the top two) and every single ornament on my christmas tree
• a slice of pizza, whole.
• a pacifier that my friends son was using... literally, it was in his mouth.
• and currently, a whopping 1,875, 362.5 black work socks. (ryans) 

what is all this nonsense you ask? its what my dog Duke has eaten. its real... i CAN NOT make this up...

just SOME proof is in the photos. each time, its own story... 

 duuuuuke, why is your new bag of dog food empty?

buffet time.

 this is real. i promise. if you have ever been to my house, my kitchen is on the first floor, (as was banana bread AND a bag of frozen corn) my dog carried these items up the stairs ONTO my HIGH King sized bed, and went to town. i pee a little everytime i see this. was it 1 trip or 2 with the food. was he still hungry after the corn? we have had this asshole dog for 4 years now, ive learned to stop freaking out that he is never going to learn. or HE learned, i stopped freaking out.

remember this GodAwful cake from the other day. well, we havent had any yet, and im a girl i thought it should be tested.

duke ATTACK!

my reaction now has been to take a picture. proof. because when there is suddenly no more cake, and i complain my jeans are too tight Duke always gets blamed... but never caught. well i got you.

and i cant help but always say "ohhhh, WHAT DID YOU DO?"

your cake sucked. but i ate it anyway.

Hope youre having a good night. better then me and almost as good as King Dukes.

no life, dog or not, is better then his. 

he is free to a good home, or a bad one. as long as theres food. or not food.